"The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?'"
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Conan O'Brien on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Conan O'Brien on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Conan O'Brien on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Conan O'Brien on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Conan O'Brien on Elbert Hubbard
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