"So I did in fact spend two and a half years in the Middlesbrough car park practising skills. But if you spend four or five or six hours a day practising, you get better."
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."Craig Johnston on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."Craig Johnston on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."Craig Johnston on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."Craig Johnston on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."Craig Johnston on Steven Wright
"I've always had an inquisitive mind about everything from flowers to television sets to motor cars. Always pulled them apart - couldn't put 'em back, but always extremely interested in how things work."
"So for a year I spent all my time hiding from Jack Charlton in the car park practising my skills."
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