"I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him."
"Great minds discuss ideas average minds discuss events small minds discuss people."Henny Youngman on Eleanor Roosevelt
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."Henny Youngman on Albert Einstein
"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them."Henny Youngman on William Shakespeare
"One sees great things from the valley only small things from the peak."Henny Youngman on Gilbert K. Chesterton
"All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope."Henny Youngman on Winston Churchill
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."
"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."
"I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car."
"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?"
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