"Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Jerry Lewis on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Jerry Lewis on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Jerry Lewis on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Jerry Lewis on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Jerry Lewis on Elbert Hubbard
"I never got a formal education. So my intellect is my common sense. I don't have anything else going for me. And my common sense opens the door to instinct."
"People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius."
"I have a loyalty that runs in my bloodstream, when I lock into someone or something, you can't get me away from it because I commit that thoroughly. That's in friendship, that's a deal, that's a commitment. Don't give me paper - I can get the same lawyer who drew it up to break it. But if you shake my hand, that's for life."
"I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe."
"If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well."
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