"There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Josh Billings on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Josh Billings on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Josh Billings on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Josh Billings on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Josh Billings on Elbert Hubbard
"I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry."
"The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust."
"The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way."
"One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs."
"The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout."
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