"I wish I had the nerve not to tip."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Paul Lynde on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Paul Lynde on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Paul Lynde on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Paul Lynde on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Paul Lynde on Elbert Hubbard
"My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that."
"Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're so awful, they're really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics."
"If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death."
"I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church."
"I was obsessed with being rich and famous."
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