"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in."
"A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."Rita Rudner on Eleanor Roosevelt
"I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot."Rita Rudner on Marilyn Monroe
"Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent."Rita Rudner on Friedrich Nietzsche
"The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles."Rita Rudner on Ralph Waldo Emerson
"As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot."Rita Rudner on John Lennon
"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."
"I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again."
"To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'"
"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."
"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."
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