"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Ron White on Lana Turner
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Ron White on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Ron White on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Ron White on Elbert Hubbard
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."Ron White on Frank Sinatra
"When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range."
"Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane."
"There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong."
"The next time you have a thought... let it go."
"I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers."
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