"I know how to do anything, I'm a mom."
"My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her."Roseanne Barr on George Washington
"The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children."Roseanne Barr on Jessica Lange
"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."Roseanne Barr on Mark Twain
"Men are what their mothers made them."Roseanne Barr on Ralph Waldo Emerson
"My mother said to me, 'If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.' Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso."Roseanne Barr on Pablo Picasso
"Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?"
"As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job."
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job."
"My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel."
"Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce."
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