"When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible - cowards and fools."
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."Russell Baker on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."Russell Baker on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."Russell Baker on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."Russell Baker on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."Russell Baker on Steven Wright
"Children rarely want to know who their parents were before they were parents, and when age finally stirs their curiosity, there is no parent left to tell them."
"In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's beloved."
"Rereading A.J. Liebling carries me happily back to an age when all good journalists knew they had plenty to be modest about, and were."
"Those who remember Washington's cold war culture in the 1980s will recall the shocked reactions to Reagan's intervention. People interested in foreign policy were astonished when in 1985 he met alone at Geneva - alone, not a single strategic thinker at his elbow! - with the Soviet Communist master Gorbachev."
"Listen once in a while. It's amazing what you can hear."
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