"I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around."
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."Ryan Stiles on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."Ryan Stiles on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."Ryan Stiles on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."Ryan Stiles on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."Ryan Stiles on Steven Wright
"I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe."
"Never trust sheep."
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