"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."Woody Allen on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."Woody Allen on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."Woody Allen on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."Woody Allen on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."Woody Allen on Steven Wright
"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."
"I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."
"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"
"Marriage is the death of hope."
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