Sex and Relationships

20 tips for a happy marriage

We all want to be in a happy marriage, but it's so easy to get stuck in a rut and take each other for granted once you've tied the knot.

That's when you should start making more effort.

All it takes is a few small adjustments to keep your relationship as fresh as those first days together.

1. Be specific

Never say "you always..." or "you never..." - it's very disheartening and sounds like a character assassination. Stick to specifics when you're having a disagreement.

2. Compliment

Statistics show that the most successful marriages work on the principle of five positive statements to one negative. So don't be shy with the praise.

3. Just ask

Neither of you are mind readers, so save time and stress by expressing what you want from the relationship clearly and calmly. That way you'll avoid building resentment.

4. Stand united

Don't argue in front of the children. Kids love to divide and rule, so any hint of a disagreement and they'll have great fun playing you off against each other. Talk later in private.

Is she ready?
Does your partner
want a baby?

5. Make time for sex

It's easy to let your sex life slip because you don't feel like it. But regular doses of passion will do wonders for your relationship.

6. Never assume

Don't jump to conclusions during fights when tempers are frayed. Repeat back what you say to each other later and what you mean by it to avoid misunderstandings.

7. Dress up

Don't dress like a slob - looking good sends the message that you still want your partner to fancy you.

8. Be romantic

Make a romantic gesture at least once a week. You don't have to spend a fortune, it could be as small as you running your partner a bath or bringing breakfast in bed on a Sunday.

9. Don't bitch

Avoid the temptation to criticise your partner to your friends. It will erode respect for your him or her.

10. Time it right

If you need to discuss something difficult, don't just throw it in when your partner has just got in from work. Ask first: "Is this a good time to talk?" And if not, agree a definite time later.

11. Pucker up

Kissing is often the first casualty of a long-term relationship. Kiss hello, goodbye, and have a snog as often as you can. It helps you get in tune with your partner's mood and ups the passion!

12. Don't make comparisons

Marriage is a long-term project. Nobody is happily married without putting in a bit of work and no marriage is ever perfect.

13. Let your partner win sometimes

Compromising sometimes means that no one gets what they want. Now and again it may be better to give in - as long as your partner does the same for you next time.

14. Reassess

Frequently take stock of your relationship, and ask yourselves questions like: "Would I talk to my best friend like this?" or "Do I have the right to feel this angry?" It's vital not to lose respect for each other.

Live by the rules
The top 10 man
commandments.

15. Make a date

You must have some time alone as a couple. Try to go on a romantic date at least once a month.

16. Let kids be kids

It's unfair to let your children get involved in disputes between you and your partner. Reassure them that some disagreement is normal.

17. Get out of that rut

Bring new ideas into your lives - whether it's renovating the house or finding a new hobby, give yourselves fun projects to tackle together.

18. Sort out problems

If you're going through a tough patch, tackle it. That may mean counselling - but plenty of happy marriages have only become so after the couples sought help.

19. Reward yourselves

Celebrate achievements - anything from an anniversary to the end of a horrible week. Turn it into an occasion and have a laugh.

20. Get real

You married your partner for better, for worse - and sometimes it's bound to be worse. But it usually will get better.