Sex and Relationships

What is the kindest way to...

What is the kindest way to dump a man you have recently started seeing?

The worst thing to do is avoid the issue, not return calls and be evasive. It's kinder to deal with it and let him know as soon as possible that it's over. If you're likely to be in reasonably close proximity for the forseeable future then it's also best to be as honest as you can be. It won't be helpful to say you've converted to a religious cult that practices celibacy or that you've turned out gay after all, when it will be obvious within days that neither is true.

If it's a relationship that began only recently, then it should be easier and the dumpee won't feel quite so bad about it as he would about a longer term relationship. In my view, it's actually worse to do it in person and each side can feel more awkward, so a straight-up phone call saying that you don't feel he's right for you works best. Don't make the mistake of leaving things unclosed in anyway either. By that I mean giving him any shred of hope to believe that the relationship will possibly resume at any point. Make it crystal clear in as sensitive and diplomatic way possible that this is definitely it. Unless you've been good friends before, leave out the 'We can still be friends' stuff. If he wants to keep in touch with you on that basis at some point in the future, he's got your number.

He may ask why you think it's not working and want more detail. Then things can get more tricky as you need to avoid getting personal and picking him up on personal traits you've found you really don't like or, in particular, that you just don't think he's fanciable after all. Unfortunately, wounded pride means he may want all the specifics to put to rest his concerns about why he isn't the hot date he thought he was. It's best to just say that there's nothing specific and you just don't 'gel', or something similarly generic. If he really doesn't get it, though, then again it's best for him to know that the relationship's at an end for sure and you're better off being firm; it it finally takes something that you really didn't like about him coming to light, then so be it if he's a tough nut to crack. Better for him in the long run. Let's face it, being dumped is bound to cause some hurt in the short term but he'll get over it if he knows it's really over.

If you're seeing someone else already, then you're on your own...