Sex and Relationships

How to help a pre-menstrual mate

My girlfriend has really heavy periods and I simply dont know how I can support her. Shes not at all regular so its a bit of a guessing game for me in any case; but even if I do realise, Im at a loss to know how, if at all, I can help her. Aside from anything else, Im very aware that as a man, I havent the first idea what she is going through, and she doubtless similarly knows that I cant really understand what its like for her. But of course I want to be supportive: for days on end she is in a lot of pain (and she declines to take painkillers as they cause her additional problems), she feels really rotten and thinks she looks awful too, she is completely uninterested in anything remotely resembling sex, and most disconcertingly, she develops an acute hatred of all men.

Apart from telling her that I love her, trying to relax her through shoulder/neck/back/foot massages, comforting her with reassuring hugs, and trying as best I can not to rise to any slightly short-tempered outbursts (!), is there any way at all that I can give her support? Some advice from a female perspective would be greatly appreciated!

Poor you! It is indeed a difficult situation. Many women experience quite severe mood swings during the days leading up to their periods and their self-confidence during that time can be very low.

You seem to be doing all the right things in helping her, but also, she has to realise that youre human and have needs too. You havent mentioned what your relationship is like when she isnt having these problems. It may be worth talking to her about how you feel during less fraught times. Does she realise how her behaviour affects you?

It seems that the irregular nature of her cycle, plus the mood swings could signify an underlying problem. Has she consulted a GP? There may be help and advice they can offer her. As for ways of supporting her more, it seems you're doing all you can. Let's hope she appreciates it!