Sex and Relationships

I enjoy wearing women's clothes

I am 30, married for the last couple of years and my wife and I have a lovely little boy. From the age of 6, I knew that I enjoyed wearing womens' lingerie and clothes. From the age of 9, I started to fantasise about heterosexual encounters often with me being dressed in women's clothing.

During puberty and afterwards I have often masturbated in lingerie and even dress up to truly feel more sexy. I am not gay although I have had gay thoughts and even gay experiences whilst as an adolescent. I am not a transsexual although I have certainly fantasised about how life would be like being a woman, living, dressing, having sex but above all being noticed I guess.

The reason for the detail above is as background to my problem. I told my wife long before we got married that I had these confused feelings. I told her that I had got her a sexual thrill out of it but that these activities had been very occasional and by that I meant every six months or so.

I implied that these feelings had dissipated since she and I had met and got together. I was scared enough to have told her that for no one else knew and I did not want to scare her away. But I lied to her in that I was then and am now still craving to wear women's lingerie (which I don't do except when she is away) and even to make love to her wearing them too. I have never told her this. I am scared what her reaction would be.

Our relationship is far from perfect. We both love each other but we frequently have silly but nasty rows that push our marriage to the limit. Such an admission by me could well be more than just ammunition to her in the future. However, our sex life is far from perfect. She has always had far more of a sex drive than I. I put my lack of libido down to this. I have never revealed to her how kinky my thoughts are - dressing up and so on. So we do it once every 2 or 3 weeks if that. When we do it, it is good however and I am not just saying that.

However, I would be more willing to do it (and to do it more often) if I knew that she would be willing to experiment perhaps and that we could try different things including my desire to dress-up. I simply don't know how to ask her or what the consequences would be? I simply can't continue my life in this frustrated vein - it is very difficult and I would truly appreciate your opinions and advice.

Yes you do seem to be in a bit of a conundrum. Everybody has kinky thoughts and desires, some like to be whipped with chains and tied up while you like to wear women's underwear. Personally I find men dressing in women's underwear the least threatening of the two evils.

You say your sex life and your marriage aren't as great as they used to be and you feel a great deal of this unhappiness is due to you feeling unsatisfied as you can't express your desires and needs.

May I suggest you talk to your wife away from the bedroom. Suggest to her that you dress up together and play role play to spice things up, by pretending to be different characters.

Start off with none threatening scenarios such as patient and nurse or knight and damsel in distress, slowly building up to different and more imaginative things such as monsters and animals. Once you feel comfortable with doing this then you can explore and open up a little more about your main fantasy about dressing up in women's underwear. This way she has got used to the idea of you playing a role.

When you feel happy and comfortable with your role play routine, then you can start thinking about ways to introduce the fact you like wearing women's knickers. Take her to see The Rocky Horror Picture show or get it out on video. Engage her in a debate about it, and if things are going well suggest you have a Rocky Horror night in together.

Good luck!