Sex and Relationships

My girlfriend wants to be a lap dancer

My live in Girlfriend of 9 months (I am 25, she is 24) has decided to become an "Exotic Dancer" and it is really messing me up! She is absolutely stunning, and if I went to a lap dancing bar I would be more than happy to pay my money to her!

She has mentioned on occassions in the past about doing this kind of work, but I told her about my feelings and fears about the subject, and it seemend that she had forgotten about it, or so I thought.

About a month ago she started a new job in a "pub" but at the same time was being very secretive and cold towards me. I knew something was wrong, and tried to get information out of her, but she was always "too tired" or "didn't want to talk about it."

To cut a long story short, she eventually told me what she was doing, and I again told her what I felt about it, but she knows that whatever she does I wont leave her because I love her TOO much. We have spoken seriously about our long term future together. She assured me what she does is tasteful, and she remained full clothed because she was a "hostess." I still knew that this wasn't the full truth, and after a bit of probing and my own investagation it finally came out.

She is a topless dancer in a lap dancing bar. She really enjoys the job, the people she works with, and the money (her main reason for doing it is because she will be a mature student with no income in September) and insists that no matter what she wont leave.

I am really worried about her getting in deeper, and getting addicted to the money. What should I do? I can't and wont lose her, but this is putting a real strain on the relationship, and messing with my head in a big way. Please help! Thanks!

This is a difficult one because I understand you love your girlfriend but you also can't ignore your own principles, and you are pretty sure that laying down the law is going to drive her away.

All I can say is that this girl mustn't have much of a high opinion of you if she's sneaking off behind your back and lying to you about her 'evening job'.

It also seems like she is emotionally blackmailing you with the love you have for her. As you say in your email: "... but she knows that whatever she does I wont leave her because I love her TOO much."

This girl is getting away with murder and having a comfy ride at your expense!

Yes she may be a right stunner and have the perfect lap dancer body but do you really want someone who is going to disregard your feelings for money when things get a bit tight?

If you are going to keep your relationship on track and be happy once again you are going to have to stand up to her and do some serious talking. If you love this woman as much as you say you do then you have to make her listen.

I'm not suggesting you start handing out ultimatums left right and centre, but make it very clear that you are becoming increasingly unhappy with what she is doing.

Tell her about the research you have done and voice your doubts over her safety. Offer to help her find an alternative job or even offer to manage her (if you think you can do that) to prove to her that you are serious about her.

Finally if all fails be sure you're the one who ends it, this way you save face and hopefully leave her missing the great things you had going. You never know such a drastic move might get her to revaluate her priorities...

Good luck!