Sex and Relationships

The lies men tell

It'll come as no surprise that even happily married men lie, sometimes just white fibs and sometimes just to keep us quiet!

Check out the top 10 porky-pies that men tell:

1. "Yes, that dress looks fine on you."

Why he tells it: hassle avoidance

Men employ these 'forgivable fibs' not just to avoid hurting you ('Of course you don't look fat in that outfit'), but to make their lives easier ('I think that wallpaper looks great') and to steer clear of trouble ('I guess Cindy Crawford's "sexy" in a conventional kind of way, but she's not my cup of tea').

2. "I can fix it."

Why he tells it: ego protection

Whether it's home repair, barbecuing, or wiring plugs, there are certain domains men feel compelled to know everything about. If a man cannot fix his own power tool, he must lie and declare it beyond repair, because if he admits defeat and lets his wife fix it, he's officially banished from the Real Man club forever. That's the way it feels, anyway - and that's why, every year, otherwise perfectly competent chartered accountants get their fingers cut off in power saw accidents.

3. "I was not looking at her breasts."

Why he tells it: to achieve a delicate balance between marital harmony and four million years of biological conditioning

No matter how long you've been together, I guarantee your man hasn't stopped being attracted to other women. You can't promise to stop liking chocolate - only to stop eating it. When a good-looking woman walks by, he notices. If her skirt is momentarily caught in a crosswind, even a legally blind man will get whiplash.

4. "Nothing's wrong."

Why he tells it: so that he can lick his wounds in private

Sadness, depression, disillusionment. For women, a man's loneliness seems to offer an ideal consoling/bonding opportunity. If only men felt the same way. For men, our heartfelt concern only confirms that their personal weakness is now blatantly visible. Remember that for men, to bleed is noble, to refuse an Elastoplast divine.

5. "I tried to call you."

Why he tells it: self-defence

Most men can't understand how women could ever be disappointed with them, given the glorious single life they've willingly given up. So when we get angry because they didn't call, or they turned up late, the excuses kick in.

6. "I don't want to have sex unless you want to."

Why he tells it: to avoid seeming like a sex-crazed monkey

Women love sex - with the right person, in the right mood and armed with the right underwear. Men's love of sex is unconditional. When unburdened by physical problems or moral restraints, the typical man can happily have sex any time, any place. He doesn't have to be in a good mood, or like the person, or 'feel right about it', or know her name. Even porn movie dialogue doesn't turn men off. What does that tell you?

7. "I'm the best, baby."

Why he tells it: to make you glad you married him

Virtually all men engage in a little creativity when describing their bravery and fortitude, the wildness of their past exploits, or their critical role at work. They're just making sure you never forget what a superlative man you married.

8. "My old girlfriend? She was just OK."

Why he tells it: self-preservation

What details from your past become common property when you marry? A man is duty-bound to tell his wife if he's ever contracted a sexually transmitted disease or fathered any kids. Beyond that, it gets hazy fast. Does his wife have a right to know how many women he's slept with? Or how good it was? When privacy-minded men are faced with probing questions, you can guess what happens.

9. "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

Why he tells it: desperate self-preservation

When a man does something that poses a significant risk to his marriage, the temptation to lie like there's no tomorrow is strong. There's nothing forgivable about this kind of lie but in his mind at least, it can still be the lesser of two evils.

10. "I'll never lie to you."

Why he tells it: to live happily ever after

This is the kind of romantic, reassuring thing men say because there are times when what women really want is a movie line. But even if your man means it - and they usually do, when they say it - time will tell. Will he ever fib, evade or stretch the truth? Yes. Will he keep his word about the important things? That depends on his character and the strength of your marriage. And it might take a shared lifetime to find out.