"You know what they call the fellow who finishes last in his medical school graduating class? They call him 'Doctor.'"
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."Abe Lemons on Groucho Marx
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."Abe Lemons on Groucho Marx
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."Abe Lemons on Erma Bombeck
"They certainly give very strange names to diseases."Abe Lemons on Plato
"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it."Abe Lemons on Erma Bombeck
"Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor."