"I don't want to be the one to break it to you, but the future ain't that funny."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Albert Brooks on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Albert Brooks on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Albert Brooks on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Albert Brooks on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Albert Brooks on Elbert Hubbard
"I think anger and laughter are very close to each other, when you think about it."
"All improv turns into anger. All comedy improv basically turns into anger, because that's all people know how to do when they're improvising. If you notice shows that are improvising are generally people yelling at each other."
"I'd still like to see 'Survivor' minus the planned show-biz parts. That would be the purest form of show business - I want to see someone so hungry that they eat somebody else's foot."
"Movies are an expensive business."
"Even though my father was a radio comedian, it wasn't cool to say, at a young age, 'I want to be a comedian.'"