"My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper."
"My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her."Amy Sedaris on George Washington
"The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children."Amy Sedaris on Jessica Lange
"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."Amy Sedaris on Mark Twain
"Men are what their mothers made them."Amy Sedaris on Ralph Waldo Emerson
"My mother said to me, 'If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.' Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso."Amy Sedaris on Pablo Picasso
"My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him."
"David and Dad didn't get along too well growing up. I mean we all got along, but it was harder on David, because David wasn't going to be the son that Dad wanted. But now they're like best friends."
"People who shop in health food stores never look healthy."
"I failed first grade, which is my biggest problem. You always feel like a failure, like you're stupid."
"I swear I want to be a food model."