"I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?"
"A wise and frugal Government, which shall restrain men from injuring one another, which shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned. This is the sum of good government, and this is necessary to close the circlue of our felicities."Andy Rooney on Thomas Jefferson
"The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter."Andy Rooney on Winston Churchill
"I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our monied corporations which dare already to challenge our government to a trial by strength, and bid defiance to the laws of our country."Andy Rooney on Thomas Jefferson
"Government is not reason it is not eloquent it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master."Andy Rooney on George Washington
"Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil in its worst state, an intolerable one."Andy Rooney on Thomas Paine
"The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men."
"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done."
"Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads."
"Death is a distant rumor to the young."
"I don't like food that's too carefully arranged it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting."