"Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time."
"Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open."Artie Lange on John Barrymore
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions."Artie Lange on Dalai Lama
"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."Artie Lange on Abraham Lincoln
"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition."Artie Lange on Martha Washington
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."Artie Lange on Mahatma Gandhi
"It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world."
"The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent."