"Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the 'will of the people' goes out the window."
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."Bill Maher on Mignon McLaughlin
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."Bill Maher on Socrates
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."Bill Maher on Friedrich Nietzsche
"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being."Bill Maher on Oscar Wilde
"Don't marry the person you think you can live with marry only the individual you think you can't live without."Bill Maher on James C. Dobson
"Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'"
"This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution."
"Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable."
"Men are only as loyal as their options."
"Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease."