"I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Bob Hope on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Bob Hope on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Bob Hope on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Bob Hope on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Bob Hope on Elbert Hubbard
"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap."
"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live."
"If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it."