"The biggest thrill a ballplayer can have is when your son takes after you. That happened when my Bobby was in his championship Little League game. He really showed me something. Struck out three times. Made an error that lost the game. Parents were throwing things at our car and swearing at us as we drove off. Gosh, I was proud."
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."Bob Uecker on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."Bob Uecker on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."Bob Uecker on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."Bob Uecker on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."Bob Uecker on Steven Wright
"I hope the fans have enjoyed listening as much as I've enjoyed doing the games. I don't ever go to the park where I don't have a good day. I don't like losing. But I don't think I ever go to the park where I have a bad day. I don't think once."
"I set records that will never be equaled. In fact, I hope 90% of them don't even get printed."
"I make fun of situations and try and find the humor in things, but it's never at the expense of the other guy."