"Guys want a 500 horsepower car. I'd rather have one horsepower - in a horse. That's macho. You go to pick up your date and you show up on a horse."
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."Bryan Callen on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."Bryan Callen on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."Bryan Callen on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."Bryan Callen on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."Bryan Callen on Steven Wright