"Here's my rule: You always want to pay cash for your own books, because if they look at the name on the credit card and then they look at the name on the book jacket, then there's this look of such profound sympathy for you that you had to resort to this. It really is withering."
"That though the radiance which was once so bright be now forever taken from my sight. Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower. We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind."Carl Hiaasen on William Wordsworth
"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength."Carl Hiaasen on Corrie Ten Boom
"What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like."Carl Hiaasen on Saint Augustine
"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."Carl Hiaasen on Khalil Gibran
"When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions."Carl Hiaasen on William Shakespeare
"One problem with age is that patience begins to ebb."
"My humour has always come from anger, but I have to make sure I don't just get angry and jump on a soapbox."
"Good satire comes from anger. It comes from a sense of injustice, that there are wrongs in the world that need to be fixed. And what better place to get that well of venom and outrage boiling than a newsroom, because you're on the front lines."
"Nobody with an IQ higher than emergency-room temperature could ever believe that 'death panels' would be appointed to nudge the elderly toward euthanasia. Yet for idle entertainment, it's hard to beat Sarah Palin's ignorant nattering on the subject."
"From my experience, politicians are much more uncomfortable being made fun of than they are being preached at and screeched at - you know, and the soapbox routine. They're much more uneasy knowing they're a target of ridicule."