"One problem with age is that patience begins to ebb."
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."Carl Hiaasen on Mark Twain
"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young."Carl Hiaasen on Henry Ford
"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."Carl Hiaasen on Mark Twain
"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country."Carl Hiaasen on Kurt Vonnegut
"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age."Carl Hiaasen on Robert Frost
"My humour has always come from anger, but I have to make sure I don't just get angry and jump on a soapbox."
"Good satire comes from anger. It comes from a sense of injustice, that there are wrongs in the world that need to be fixed. And what better place to get that well of venom and outrage boiling than a newsroom, because you're on the front lines."
"Nobody with an IQ higher than emergency-room temperature could ever believe that 'death panels' would be appointed to nudge the elderly toward euthanasia. Yet for idle entertainment, it's hard to beat Sarah Palin's ignorant nattering on the subject."
"From my experience, politicians are much more uncomfortable being made fun of than they are being preached at and screeched at - you know, and the soapbox routine. They're much more uneasy knowing they're a target of ridicule."
"I've always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something."