"I wasn't going to get such a nice car - I was going to get a cute little hybrid or something, keep the trees happy - but then my grandfather died, and it was all: retail therapy!"
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."Chris Colfer on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."Chris Colfer on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."Chris Colfer on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."Chris Colfer on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."Chris Colfer on Steven Wright
"Oh, I have this feud going with the L.A. Unified School District, because I keep getting these phone calls saying my daughter keeps missing classes, I mean, at all hours of the night, I had like, two calls this morning and I keep calling saying I haven't got a daughter!"
"I can sing and dance. I can smile - a lot."