"It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Chuck Palahniuk on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Chuck Palahniuk on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Chuck Palahniuk on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Chuck Palahniuk on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Chuck Palahniuk on Elbert Hubbard
"Do you remember when you were 10 or 11 years old and you really thought your folks were the best? They were completely omniscient and you took their word for everything. And then you got older and you went through this hideous age when suddenly they were the devil, they were bullies, and they didn't know anything."
"People used what they called a telephone because they hated being close together and they were scared of being alone."
"Why is it you feel like a dope if you laugh alone, but that's usually how you end up crying?"
"The most boring scenes are the scenes where a character is alone."
"If anything I try to write something that would be more difficult to film. I tend to see film as competition and would like instead to do what books do best."