"It's like, it's kind of like if you ever had a car and it was a bit of a clunker but you love it, that's my show. It's a bit of a clunker but I know where everything is and I like it."
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."Craig Ferguson on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."Craig Ferguson on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."Craig Ferguson on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."Craig Ferguson on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."Craig Ferguson on Steven Wright
"I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a difficult and sporadically violent background, to have been in and out of such chaos, I think it actually helps. But I don't know for sure."
"It's the beauty and curse of doing a daily show. Some days you've got nothing to talk about and other days Dick Cheney shoots his lawyer in the face and everyone is happy."
"It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure."
"Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear."
"I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman."