"I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up."
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."Dane Cook on Mark Twain
"The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax."Dane Cook on Albert Einstein
"There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure."Dane Cook on Colin Powell
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."Dane Cook on Dale Carnegie
"If there is anything that a man can do well, I say let him do it. Give him a chance."Dane Cook on Abraham Lincoln
"I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere."
"Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there."
"Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince."
"My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare."
"My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor."