"You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike."
"A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."Dave Attell on Eleanor Roosevelt
"I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot."Dave Attell on Marilyn Monroe
"Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent."Dave Attell on Friedrich Nietzsche
"The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles."Dave Attell on Ralph Waldo Emerson
"As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot."Dave Attell on John Lennon
"For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended."
"I don't watch reality TV. I'm cool."
"I never wanted to be famous."
"I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous."
"I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me."