"It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Dave Barry on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Dave Barry on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Dave Barry on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Dave Barry on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Dave Barry on Elbert Hubbard
"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers."
"The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number."
"It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money."
"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."
"Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes."