"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."
"Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas."Dave Barry on Calvin Coolidge
"He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree."Dave Barry on Roy L. Smith
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."Dave Barry on George Carlin
"Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store."Dave Barry on Dr. Seuss
"A good conscience is a continual Christmas."Dave Barry on Benjamin Franklin
"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers."
"The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number."
"It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money."
"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."
"Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes."