"We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail."
"If we ever forget that we are One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under."Dave Barry on Ronald Reagan
"Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind."Dave Barry on Albert Einstein
"Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty."Dave Barry on John F. Kennedy
"Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about."Dave Barry on Mark Twain
"I look forward to a great future for America - a future in which our country will match its military strength with our moral restraint, its wealth with our wisdom, its power with our purpose."Dave Barry on John F. Kennedy
"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers."
"The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number."
"It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money."
"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."
"Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes."