"Every little kid has always wanted to be a race car driver. This gets some of that out."
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."David Alan Grier on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."David Alan Grier on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."David Alan Grier on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."David Alan Grier on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."David Alan Grier on Steven Wright
"When I was a kid, I wanted to walk with my dad's limp - my dad was my hero - but that infuriated him, and he would make me walk back and forth in the living room until I walked without it."
"I try to make my bed every day for mental health. Coming home to an unmade bed or a room with clothes all over will depress me."
"As I get older, my sense of humor is my biggest asset."