"The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves."
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."David Letterman on Albert Einstein
"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer."David Letterman on Albert Einstein
"Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking."David Letterman on Albert Einstein
"Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them."David Letterman on Albert Einstein
"We should take care not to make the intellect our god it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality."David Letterman on Albert Einstein
"There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting."
"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."
"There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing."
"I cannot sing, dance or act what else would I be but a talk show host."
"We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets."