"Sometimes, comics will make the observation that it's not jokes that are funny, it's characters that are funny. And isn't that true! That's why I always kill jokes. I'm terrible at them, because I get the joke right, but I can't get the character right, and it just goes down like a lead balloon."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."David Mitchell on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."David Mitchell on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."David Mitchell on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."David Mitchell on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."David Mitchell on Elbert Hubbard
"I think all writers of my age who are brought up on films probably by the age of 16 have seen many more films than they have read classics of literature. We can't help but be influenced by film. Film has got some great tricks that it's taught writers."
"In the 1970s and 1980s there was so little decent fiction for young people, but we're now in a golden age that shows no sign of fading. Philip Pullman, J. K. Rowling, Lemony Snicket are only three of the best known among a good number of equals."
"A life can get knocked into a new orbit by a car crash, a lottery win or just a bleary-eyed consultant giving bad news in a calm voice."
"I've become a less brave traveller since I became a dad, but in the past I was more foolhardy than brave."
"If the human condition were the periodic table, maybe love would be hydrogen at No. 1. Death would be helium at No. 2. Power, I reckon, would be where oxygen is."