"But most good movies have a gun in them."
"Film spectators are quiet vampires."David Sedaris on Jim Morrison
"Am I a romantic? I've seen 'Wuthering Heights' ten times. I'm a romantic."David Sedaris on Johnny Depp
"You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies."David Sedaris on Steve Martin
"This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country."David Sedaris on Clint Eastwood
"Movies can and do have tremendous influence in shaping young lives in the realm of entertainment towards the ideals and objectives of normal adulthood."David Sedaris on Walt Disney
"After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations."
"It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'"
"I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out."
"My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining."
"I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended."