"It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'"
"God gave us the gift of life it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well."David Sedaris on Voltaire
"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."David Sedaris on Oprah Winfrey
"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me."David Sedaris on Jim Valvano
"I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity."David Sedaris on Eleanor Roosevelt
"The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance."David Sedaris on Brian Tracy
"After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations."
"I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out."
"My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining."
"I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended."
"What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny."