"There's always something funny about men chasing women."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."David Spade on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."David Spade on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."David Spade on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."David Spade on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."David Spade on Elbert Hubbard
"To be famous and broke is hard."
"It's funny because it's funny."
"I've got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose."