"I used to have a theory actually that, if you've had a good childhood, a good marriage and a little bit of money in the bank, you're going to make a lousy comedian."
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."David Steinberg on Mignon McLaughlin
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."David Steinberg on Socrates
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."David Steinberg on Friedrich Nietzsche
"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being."David Steinberg on Oscar Wilde
"Don't marry the person you think you can live with marry only the individual you think you can't live without."David Steinberg on James C. Dobson
"I don't really dissect comedy. Nothing kills off humor more than overanalyzing it."
"Your relationship with an agent has got to be mutually beneficial. If you can't help their careers, then they're not going to be interested."
"When I started, you didn't make a lot of money by being a comedian. You didn't get a lot of respect."