"Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch."
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."Dennis Miller on Mignon McLaughlin
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."Dennis Miller on Socrates
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."Dennis Miller on Friedrich Nietzsche
"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being."Dennis Miller on Oscar Wilde
"Don't marry the person you think you can live with marry only the individual you think you can't live without."Dennis Miller on James C. Dobson
"What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign."
"I didn't know my Dad - he moved out early. And my mom's politics were kind of hardscrabble. She didn't think about Democrats or Republicans. She thought about who made sense. I've been both in my life."
"The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country."
"You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R."
"The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood."