"Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on."
"When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life now that I am old I know that it is."Dennis Miller on Oscar Wilde
"A little thought and a little kindness are often worth more than a great deal of money."Dennis Miller on John Ruskin
"Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants."Dennis Miller on Benjamin Franklin
"The lack of money is the root of all evil."Dennis Miller on Mark Twain
"Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it."Dennis Miller on Mark Twain
"What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign."
"I didn't know my Dad - he moved out early. And my mom's politics were kind of hardscrabble. She didn't think about Democrats or Republicans. She thought about who made sense. I've been both in my life."
"The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country."
"You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R."
"The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood."