"If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend."
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG."Doug Larson on Bill Gates
"There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything - millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace."Doug Larson on Richard Pryor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."Doug Larson on Erma Bombeck
"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."Doug Larson on Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."Doug Larson on Steven Wright
"The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball."
"More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse."
"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it."
"Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks."
"Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog."