"Drug abuse is a medical disease that requires medical professionals."
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."Doug Ose on Groucho Marx
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."Doug Ose on Groucho Marx
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."Doug Ose on Erma Bombeck
"They certainly give very strange names to diseases."Doug Ose on Plato
"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it."Doug Ose on Erma Bombeck