"I'd come out of the army after five years as a medic. I was a medical administrator and we ran hospitals, and I was a Captain in the army at the end, in 1945."
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."Eli Wallach on Groucho Marx
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."Eli Wallach on Groucho Marx
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."Eli Wallach on Erma Bombeck
"They certainly give very strange names to diseases."Eli Wallach on Plato
"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it."Eli Wallach on Erma Bombeck
"I've learned that life is very tricky business: Each person needs to find what they want to do in life and not be dissuaded when people question them."
"One thing changes every evening: It's the audience, and I'm working my magic. I'm always learning from it."