"If you're going to plan a wedding, then a certain amount of suffering is not a choice."
"The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife."Ellie Kemper on Barbara de Angelis
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy if not, you'll become a philosopher."Ellie Kemper on Socrates
"It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married."Ellie Kemper on Robert Frost
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."Ellie Kemper on Groucho Marx
"Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness."Ellie Kemper on Oliver Wendell Holmes
"I want to be a morning-talk-show host. I love Kelly Ripa's job. She gets to live in New York and has this amazing job hosting a talk show."
"Most New Yorkers want to look amazing, and they want you to understand that they look amazing, but they also want you to stop staring at them."
"My painting teacher in high school used to say, 'I can't paint like I want to, but through practice I'll get better.' But I don't think that's true. I think sometimes you just can't paint."
"Growing up, I had one very specific idea of what a wedding should be, and that was the wedding of Fraulein Maria and Captain von Trapp in 'The Sound of Music.'"